I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
