why didn't you poke me back
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
