Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
