im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
