You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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