Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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