And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
