You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
