I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
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I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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