i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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