I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
