Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Barsexuality is the new black.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
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we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
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I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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