I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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