so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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