My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
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I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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