You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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