well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
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my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
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In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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