yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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