so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
