Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
