can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
