like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
everyone is single if you try hard enough
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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