This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
