Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
