and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
