so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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