Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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