Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I wish there were birth control emojis
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
