he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
No stitches, just platelets and will power
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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