so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
