Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
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