remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize