Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
