I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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