ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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