I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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