remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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