i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
