Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
