apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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