and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
