worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
