Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize