oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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