Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
