And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
What happened to fro yo and sex?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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