Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize