Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Green mimosas i think yes
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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