someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I CAN MOONWALK!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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