Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
