I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
