I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
