we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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