I cannot find my penis.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
