Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
