I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
