No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
