I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
