My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
