For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The dick lei will go down in squad history
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
