When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
