Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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