Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
