Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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