i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize